Measuring Our Kids At The End Of A School Year

 It’s that time of year when social media gets plastered with parents posting about their kid who got straight A’s, certificates of achievement, or academic excellence. And why not? These kids are awesome and their accomplishments deserve recognition and should be cheered. I see no negativity for sharing success but here’s the thing – this post isn’t actually about those kids. It’s about the kids that try, but for whatever reason will not get those academic accolades. Their thing may not register as significantly as academics and yet it most certainly is just as important. I can’t help but wonder why we feel this constant pressure to place so much weight on academics. Is creativity, imagination, arts, music, and self expression becoming less valuable to us? How can that be?

I discovered a new perspective as I traveled through this school year with my kids and it has created uncertainty and freedom all at the same time. I should interject that this isn’t about flaming hot topics like Common Core, the state of public education, or over/under achieving. This is my little epiphany about parenting and measuring ourselves and our kids. 

When my son was in public Kindergarten, I received a ton of papers (including bar graphs and charts plotting his progress) that were supposed to serve as indicators of how well he did. How successful he was as he began his academic career. As a predictor of how he would soar or flop…as he entered the first grade. There was also an assumption that more progress in completing tasks indicated stronger effort, whereas failed attempts were merely a sign of a lackluster effort. I took these measurements from Kindergarten and tried to sort through what it all meant to me. Would it make me feel better as a parent if my kid did really well? Was it reassurance that I was somehow doing a good job? Should my degree of pride for my kid be based on his Kindergarten performance?

Well, we ended up moving last summer, switching schools, states, and everything else. This time, at the end of this school year in first grade, when we received his work, his efforts had no grades attached and no scores. Unsure of what to make of this at first, what inadvertently happened is that I removed any judgement placed upon him. I could celebrate his accomplishments in their purest form and see his pride for the work he put forth. By not exposing his work to a judgment, his perception of how he valued his work could not be altered. Feeling weird and surprised, I realized that I’m right there with everyone else in wanting to share my kids successes. But I’ve begun to view the measurement of success on a different scale. I want to show the hard work both of my kids are using towards learning to swim, performing a play, or doing a good deed that helps someone else.

I don’t know about you but I’m finding little reassurance during this parenting gig and I expect this will persist…forever. What I do feel comforted by is when I catch a little moment that is a blip on the radar. Those that often go unrecognized because of a schedule filled with competitions, camps, trophies, and awards. I will consider this summer a great success if we can spend time learning to read, swim, ride a bike, and enjoy the days we have together. Everyone is different and no matter how you measure success, I wish you and your kids a happy, healthy, and safe summer.